Before starting the coaching session, it will be more effective if you are familiar with a few core ideas, as they will come up during the session. By being aware of, and understanding them now, we’ll be able to make the best use of our session time.
Additionally, you may find then useful outside of the sessions because they are concepts, beliefs and ideas that may serve you well if applied in other areas of your life.
Cause & Effect
You can’t control or change something if you feel unable or powerless to do so. That’s why a good belief to have during these sessions is “If I have a problem then I also have a solution”, even if right now, in the moment the solution may seem far away, or you are not yet aware of it.
Cause and effect is such an important belief that will really help you get the most from talkingcures, that it’s worth repeating, “If I have a problem then I also have a solution” because by believing “If I have a problem then I also have a solution”, you put yourself in control, at cause.
Even if you are not aware of them, there are likely to be things that you are doing, saying, and thinking that may prevent your ability to let go of this problem. So, something else that will move you towards a solution, should you choose to consider it, is to ask yourself “Is there anything that I’m doing, saying, thinking that enables the problem to continue?” By being aware of them you are more likely to stop the problem before it surfaces.
The talkingcures sessions are structured to gently tease out answers to that and other questions, to help give you the ability to change. Change attitudes, beliefs, habits, and behaviours, to move from being at effect, where the problem is an issue that you feel unable to change, to being at cause where you have more control, and it ceases to be an issue.
During a talkingcures session we’ll ask questions, probably lots of questions and respond to your answers. We’re here to facilitate, support, and guide you based on the answers you provide. That’s all talkingcures can do, we can only be as useful, helpful, and insightful as your responses allow. That’s why, in answer to the questions, we ask you to go with the first thing that pops into your head and suggest that you be as open as possible.
Talkingcures is a skilled guide, the path it takes is up to you. We’re here to help but you’ll have to make it work. It’s your responsibility to point us in the right direction, so that you can get everything you need from the coaching sessions. All of the new insights, change and success will be yours, so take responsibility for the outcome.
One event, many viewpoints
Many of our core beliefs, attitudes, values, and feelings are imprinted or learnt at a very early age. Often, we have no conscious knowledge of choosing them, we just pick them up through our early years and they hang around for better or worse.
These beliefs, attitudes, values and feelings, are the filter through which we make sense of, and experience everything. Which is why the same event can produce a very different reaction or experience for those involved. An event that enlightens one person, could leave another in trauma. The event is the same, the way each person filters that event is different. During the talkingcures coaching course sessions (it’s too big a subject to get into during the trial sessions) we’ll help you review these filters to check that they are consistent with the person you want to be, and if not help change, amend or replace them.
Talkingcures isn’t always grammatically correct
During a session in asnwer to a question, you will often be asked to complete a sentence. For example: Please complete this sentence, “What I want to do is.....
You might answer, “What I want to do is..... ‘believe in myself’.
Later in the session this answer may form part of another question or sentence, and talkingcures will replay the original answer exactly as it was written. For example, ‘If you did “believe in myself”, what difference would that make?’ which is not grammatically correct.
If you were having this conversation face-to-face with a coach, they would automatically change it to ‘If you did “believe in yourself”, what difference would that make?’ Talkingcures, isn’t a human so can’t make those instinctive changes to grammar. If you can look past the odd occasion that happens, then you’ll do just fine.
Why go with the first answer?
When answering the questions, the first answer that comes to mind, however odd, is instinctive. That’s the answer to work with, even if when you think about it, it makes no sense. In many ways that’s exactly the point, especially if it doesn’t make any sense. There is no need for the answer to make sense. Changing an emotion or feeling isn’t about being rational, logical, or making sense. You’ve tried that. You've already thought about it, tried to rationalise it and it’s still there, it’s still an issue, it's still something you want to change. That’s why you are here because analysis of the problem hasn’t given you the result you want. If you could have rationalised the issue away, you’d probably have done it by now.
Talkingcures takes a different approach and works on the level of your intuition. That means putting logic and thinking which are processes of your conscious mind, to one side. That means trusting your emotions and feelings and using your unconscious mind. In this sense, when we talk about your unconscious mind, it’s a reference to the part of you that you are not aware or conscious of right now.
Your unconscious mind
When your heart beats, what part of you makes that happen? Your unconscious mind. When you walk, are you thinking consciously about putting one foot in front of the other? No, it happens unconsciously. When you breathe, do you think about it? Probably not, you trust your unconscious mind to fill your lungs with oxygen.
And you rarely think about any of those things that keep you alive and mobile. You don’t need to because your unconscious mind takes care of all that. It runs your body; it keeps you alive and you never give it a moments conscious thought.
Your unconscious mind also stores your memories in a way that you can remember what happened. It stores your memories in a timeline, so you know when they happened. Your unconscious mind also attaches thoughts, images, feelings, sounds, smells to those memories - but more on this in future sessions.
To protect you, it represses memories that have powerful negative emotions for you to deal with when it thinks you’re ready. If in the past you’ve ever had a painful memory surface, apparently out-of-the-blue, and thought “I can’t deal with that right now” and you push it back down, that’s a repressed memory - again this is something will come back to later.
Because its job is to keep you healthy, your unconscious mind has a positive intent for everything it does, even if the outcome seems negative or extreme. For example, people with a phobia, even though on the surface, the phobia may have many negative side effects, is created by the unconscious mind for a positive reason. Usually, to keep the person safe. Sometimes the solution, the phobia is worse than the original problem it tried to solve. That’s something that needs to be reset and something well within the scope of our coaching sessions. In the example of a phobia when it is reset, the original phobia disappears even if it’s been an issue for decades.
Earlier we talked about the importance of going with the first answer, often people ask the question, “how do you know the answer is coming from your unconscious?” You'll know because it's the first answer that pops into your head. Here are three examples of things you know but are not conscious of (not thinking about) right now.
Once the question is asked notice how the answer instantly arrives in your mind, without delay or conscious thought, it just appears. That’s how quickly answers from your unconscious mind pop into your head.
- What’s the colour of your front door?
- What’s your mother’s maiden name?
- What’s does water feel like?
The answers, before they were asked, were not in your conscious mind, you weren’t thinking about them. Then pop there they were, no thinking, no analysing, no consideration, they were just there. For some people a word would appear, for others they might see the answer, some get a feeling, or hear the answer, however the answer pops up is just fine. When you answer the session questions in that way then you’ll get the most from them.
Shall we get into the trial session?
The link below, will take to to the session page. There you'll find details on the structure of the session, a few concepts that come up during the session and the link to the session itself.